This is a contributed rant by someone who feels rather strongly about the issue. For me, I’ve dealt with 2 pimps in a 25year career who have not been cocks. Have you been burned by an agent? Anecdotes in the comments please!

There’s a saying that everyone loves to hate HR. That’s not true, but everyone (including HR) hates recruitment agencies.

If it isn’t the way they spam your inbox with illiterate raving of the most inane degree, it’s the way they call you and harass you on the phone to try and persuade you to be loyal to the one agent. They’re not loyal to you and they were probably lying through their teeth throughout the whole unsolicited phone call. But you’re just another jobseeker and there are only like 3 agencies in the world, right? See http://agencyshitlist.com/ for examples of agents doing it wrong.

In my experience, recruiters tend to have a poor command of the English language, both in terms of spelling and grammar. The superfluous apostrophe is a favourite, as is not making any form of sense whatsoever. I wouldn’t dare use such awful English on my application for a job (or indeed when working a job), what makes it okay for the recruiters who are supposed to represent you? Surely you’re going to look pretty bad when an illiterate fool writes that they have an AMAZING!!! CANDYDERT FOR YORE CUMPANY. In fact they love word AMAZING. Or OUTSTANDING. Or EXCELLENT. Any given job or contract is AMAZING OPPORTUNITY or similar. And demands every skill under the sun. And doesn’t bear any relation to your own experience. And requires security clearance or something else you don’t have. And is in the Outer Hebrides. For a one-man agency who thinks they’re awesome because they got hired to do a website for the local chippy. For half of what you’re earning now. And you should APPLY IMMEDIATELY TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT. And it’s always URGENT, despite that fact that it’ll take them a fortnight to get back to you with an interview slot.

Assuming you read an ad for ‘North London’, that won’t halve your income, for something that doesn’t sound about as pleasant as driving a rusty nail through your testicles, you’ve still been duped. “North London” is the new name for Watford, which isn’t even inside the M25. On the other hand if it’s central london, the job probably doesn’t exist and they’re just fishing for candidates to fill their database. Slough is probably “West London” by now, you’ve been warned.

As a contractor, things are even worse. They’ll never tell you the name of your potential client until the day of your meeting, they’ll be taking a hundred and fifty quid a day cut and not be telling you about it (they’ll even implore you not to discuss money with the company so you never discover the extortionate amount they’re billing) and you’ll still be treated like shit with spam filling up your inbox for permanent jobs (which you don’t want) in the Outer Hebrides paying half of what you’re earning for a one-man agency who thinks they’re awesome because they got hired to do a website for the local chippy.

Cunts.