Vatican possessed by perverts

PopeLet’s start at the end: how in the name of all that’s reasonable is the Catholic church still in existence? If it were a decent sized country rather than an undemocratic city state, elections or armed revolt would have put paid to it by now. Instead, through the promise of a fictional fiery doom in a hypothetical afterlife, it’s maintained its iron grip on the gullible and superstitious worldwide.

I’ll come clean here. I’m what can best be described as a “secular catholic”. Father’s side was Irish, the whiskey consumption, “for medicinal purposes”, pretty high and no family event complete without someone getting stretchered out after a thump on the nose. Thanks to my mum however, I remained untainted by even a baptism. Score! What I’m saying is that they’re lovely people, but brainwashed by a corrupt, and indeed perverted organisation.

So let’s start at the punchline with the wonderful Daily Mash who lead with “The Vatican is possessed by lots of perverts who like to fiddle with little boys, according to a scientist“. As we will see, this is closer to reality than we’d really like.

It turns out, that if you live in the UK, you’re going to be contributing around £20 million of your hard earned squids on the pope’s visit. Luckily there’s the iPhone app for that. I mean a facebook group and petitions to sign if you’d rather that dosh went on something useful like say, cancer drugs or decent protection for our boys in Iraq. Works whichever side of the fence you’re on, right? Money better spent.

In more Catholic conspiracy shit, the head of our glorious BBC, reknowned Jesuit-educated Catholic Mark Thompson is negotiating with the vatican over the pope appearing on “Thought for the day” which famously doesn’t allow atheists a thought. Again, your money also being well spent.

The meat of all this though is how the church has presided over a massive child abuse scandal and has been caught red-handed attempting to cover it up: in Ireland, America, The Netherlands, Germany and Italy. The National Secular Society has pretty comprehensive coverage on this scandal.

I wonder if the author of this attempted apologia piece in the Guardian quite knew what he was letting himself in for. “It’s about on a par with the rest of society”. Nicely shredded in the comments. Well worth a perusal. PZ tears him a new one too.

We even have a gay sex scandal with rent boys being procured for Angelo Balducci, a Gentleman of His Holiness. Oh, I’m sure he’d be gentle all right.

I can’t help but wonder if this is the priestly equivalent of “prison gay”. Not supposed to touch women so you find your outlet (fnarr) with whatever’s closest. A Guardian blogger wonders whether celibacy is entirely healthy.

The deliciously vitriolic Christopher Hitchens had a rather nice piece in Slate magazine under the heading “The pope’s entire career has the stench of evil about it” quoting the chief exorcist of the Vatican, the Rev. Gabriele Amorth as saying “the Devil is at work inside the Vatican”. Well, yes, but does he wear a dress and a cock-shaped hat?

At this point I’d like to give a shout out to the tenuously incumbent president of Spain, Zapatero, who has been doing his best to roll back the Inquisition and bring Spain kicking and screaming into a twenty-mumbleth century: contraception, abortion all the good stuff we take for granted and THEY don’t want you to have. Top bloke. Deserves our support.

Of course, they can’t help trying to interfere in every little part of our lives to the point where they’d rather take their ball away than actually help children in need. A catholic adoption agency would rather close than allow homosexuals to adopt. Maybe they’re worried the children will catch gay and not reproduce?

Or how about condom machines in a Rome school? Apoplexy or what.

And don’t get me started on condoms, AIDS and Africa. There’s a genocide in the making.

On the upside, there may be a referendum in Ireland on their stupid, untenable blasphemy law.

And finally, we get to the most ludicrous of them all: Nergal of the death metal band Behemoth is facing two years in jail in Poland for defacing a bible during a performance. Right. Like that’ll get past the EU courts. PZ is rather taken with this atheist look.

And I’ll leave you with some lovely poetry on the subject from Digital Cuttlefishwho has a lot more where this came from!

I thought I saw an atheist
In leather, black, with spikes
Who tore apart a bible (that’s
The sort of thing he likes)
A blasphemous expression, which
The Polish nation fears–
Because he tore some paper, now
A man may serve two years.

I thought I saw a holy man
Whose faith was being tested;
He had to bear the screams of all
The children he’d molested.
With such a dreadful burden, though,
Remained a ray of hope:
The law, at least, acknowledged his
Protection by the Pope.

I thought there might be justice, and
I hoped it would prevail.
The man who tore some paper
Should not have to go to jail.
The man who tore through children–
He, a heartless, soulless shell,
Should be punished by the people–
He does not believe in Hell.

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Behemoth singer facing jail for defacing a bible…

First bucket of cock for the year. Sorry about that!

And in magic sky fairy news, Adam Darski, lead singer for Behemoth is facing up to two years jail time in Poland for tearing a bible as part of his stage show.

Ah, this is Poland. Land of the former Pope, a land where “offending people’s religious beliefs” is a crime.

Well fuck you. That’s Poland off the visiting list then, they’d pick me up at immigration.

Update: lots more information on Blabbermouth.

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A cock-free winter festival?

Here’s one for you: what would a woo-free winter festival look like? If we take out all that mythology involving assorted supernatural happenings, what are we left with?

For starters, we get to keep the tree and the yule log. Winter feasting is deffo a keeper. You can stuff your turkey (arf)  but the rest of it is great, even the sprouts. Goose would work, a crispy something of pork maybe or some Bambi. Just something with leftovers.

I can leave the mass-TV but a good fillum uring digestion is good. A familial forced march in the locale as a morale boost before returning to attack, well, anything else really.

Presents are good, but please, just little trinkets hand-made by starving artisans. Especially photographers.

Me, I’m pissing off and spending three weeks with some Taiwanese Buddhists.

But for you, what’s a keeper for your myth-free Winterval?

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Peter Mandelson: Cock?

If you’re a geek, you know the story. Mandelson goes on holiday with the Geffen of the record companies, comes back and proposes a law that would let him personally, on the fly, make up laws, fine people and put them in jail. Without trial. This has become the Digital Economy Bill. It actually does fuck all for those of us who work in this economy.

If you care anything about your freedoms, sign the petition.

Charlie Stross rants on his blog and boingboing have a good stab too.


Update: Those nasty people at the EU say no. Gotta have judicial process.

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Climate change is a religion – official!

According to a tribunal, climate change is a religious belief.

That’s good to know. Damn scientists and their evidence.

Speaking of which, A.N. Wilson got ripped a new one in the Daily Fail for preferring fairies over science. Sane Mail comments? Whoda think it?

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Fry and Hitchens demolish the Catholics

Given my last two cocks have been about the Catholics, this one is too good not to share. Stephen Fry and Peter Hitchens took on Doris Karloff and some Nigerian cock-hat, archbishop too busy maybe, in a debate.

Just read it in all its glory.

The standout paragraph for me though and one, if I could be arsed, to memorise is the litany of the Catholic churches evils:

The Crusades, the Inquisition, anti-semitism, treatment of women, missionaries (especially the knock-on wiping out of native American populations), slavery, the treatment of Gallileo, child abuse, collusion with the Nazis, collusion with Mussolini, collusion with the Croatian Ustasi, collusion with Franco, the sale of indulgences, the treatment of homosexuals, and, of course, the policy on the use of condoms and their “inability” to prevent the spread of HIV.

In the end, 268 voted for and 1,876 against from a starting point of 678 people for the motion (Catholic Church is a force for good) and 1,102 against it.

Utterly indefensible. Catholics: time to overthrow your masters.

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More disgusting Catholic revelations

Double whammy from the NSS:

Catholic Church braces itself for more damning revelations. The church actively colluded in protecting pedophile priests.

The Vatican’s obduracy claims another 70,000 innocent lives. And that’s just from dodgy abortions. Let’s not get started on HIV in Africa.

Still, it didn’t stop a million Spanish taking to the streets to encourage more unnecessary deaths. I really hope the Spanish government hold firm in its stance against these superstitious people.

And let’s not talk about the woman scraped to death by seashells. Oh wait, that was the 5th Century. Call off the hounds. Still the cock-hats are worried that it’ll stir up hate. Newsflash: raping children then covering up is doing fine in that department already.

They’re beginning to make me feel warm towards the clams who have been rather quiet of late.

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Vatican spits in the face of child abuse victims

Love that strapline. Shame it can exist though.

With the pope coming to the UK, it’s worth reminding ourselves of the organisation he represents.

Recently, the vatican was forced to respond to accusations of its pathetic response to the child abuse that has been endemic in the church. The gist of the rebuttal is:

  • Jewish synagogues have worse record and, oh
  • The assaults were by homosexuals not pedophiles

Well, that’s all right then. Some good links in that NSS story if you care to follow them including a Catholic leader writer in the Telegraph missing the point by a long way and having apoplexy along the way.

The New Humanist adds that the Vatican says: “somewhere between 1.5% and 5% of the Catholic clergy has been involved in sexual abuse cases”.

What. The. Fuck.

And that’s only the cases! Unreported incidents would push this number up, surely.

Tanya Gold in the Guardian adds a little African AIDS holcaust into the mix.

The pope and all he stands for is a load of cock.


Assisted suicide law ‘clarified’

The law on assisted suicide has been “clarified”.

Big whoop.

Massive kudos to Debbie Purdy for getting the issue this far. But can I say one thing:


There. I’ll say it: I, being of sound mind, reserve the right to terminate my miserable existence on this rock however the fuck I want.

Two things:

  1. The resistance to someone choosing to end their life has Christian roots and is therefore to be laughed at and ignored. I fear no sky fairy.
  2. I’m sure we can come up with a system which prevents granny from being coerced into offing herself.

Easy peasy.

I’ll declare an interest here. I’ve had a good family friend with bad diabetes, having had a stroke walk in front of a train because he felt the alternative would have left his wife of 30 years in a legal quagmire.

This needs to stop.


Lily Allen – “It’s not us, it’s you”

It seems Ms. Allen is aghast with the Featured Artists Coalition, who had the nerve to speak up against the GovernmentHis Cuntness Mandelson’s plan to kick illegal file sharers off the nets, judging by her latest blog entry.

Lily has two main lines of argument: FAC is made up of “some really rich and successful artists” who “sell out arena tours and have the biggest Ferrari collections in the world”, so they can afford file sharing, and that if this state of affairs goes on, “British music will be nothing but puppets paid for by Simon Cowell”. She hammers on these quite a bit.

Well, first of all, there are a lot of people in FAC I’ve never even heard of, complete unknowns. Perhaps she only looked at the photo on the Times article and didn’t actually bother to check out their website. Being a cynical bastard, I’m inclined to think she’s just trying to manipulate people, by hiding that fact. Readers of The Cockbucket might be familiar with this technique, it’s cherry picking, pure and simple.

Second, let me bring you up to speed, Lily: British music is already nothing but puppets paid for by Simon Cowell. Have you looked at a chart in the past, oh, 30 years? Most of the independent artists have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting into the limelight, and if it wasn’t for file sharing they would probably reach a total of 3 people outside their families, not that you’d care about that, because obviously you’re the British music’s Florence Fucking Nightingale.

In the last part of that article our Lily opens her heart to us, and tells of her distress to pay the huge debt she had to her record company. I almost wept. Well, dear, perhaps you should’ve read Steve Albini or Courtney Love before signing up with the cunts, right? Or did anyone point a gun to your head and force you to sign? Or could it be that the parties with the A-Listers were more important to you than “the British music”? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if I could I’d do nothing but snort coke off of £400 hookers’ tits, but if you chose to get in bed with the fat cats, then DON’T WHINE ABOUT IT, YOU FUCKING SPOILED BRAT.

After all her laments, she fails to mention whether she thinks it’s ok to cut someone off the Internet because they do illegal file sharing, which is the main point of the FAC/BASCA/MPG press release that she was initially very upset about. I guess you don’t actually have the cojones, do you, Lily? When you grow a pair and answer that in no uncertain terms, I’d also like to hear your view on copyright extension, I must’ve missed it at the time.

See also The Death of Oink, the Birth of Dissent, and a Brief History of Record Industry Suicide.

This was a guest Cockbucket brought to you by someone with more passion about music than I could ever summon, Spotify premium account notwithstanding.

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